One phrase that appears very often in my mind, as I sit or stand, watch and listen: "A strong desire to know if the world has a will of its own, what would it then choose?" It is my belief another way to express this plainly is: "Letting go." Is it then that desire can be purified by spiritual principles, or is it letting go of desire that we do through spiritual principles? Personally, I don't find it appealing to become pure or return to a state that seemingly never was the case. At what point, is the nature of any being or existence "pure"? (in terms outside of Science, or chemistry in particular, for which I am obviously not profoundly acquainted unless there are numbers involved)

When the mind is not still enough to sit, listen, and watch for results, I found that walking this year was the most profound in calming the mind. I found each step to be meditative in itself. Walking until I have exhausted myself of the insane thoughts I have. Walking until I've stopped banging my head against the wall, while expecting myself not to bleed.

A reflection after my first pipering in a long time: Is living as a NEET really practical compared to being incarcerated in the United States? NEETs struggle to afford a lot of basic needs and even fulfilling their desires with saving money. Incarcerated, in most states, have shelter and food, and are afforded the ability to purchase entertainment systems (TV and video game consoles, as some examples). It seems that there is a lack of logic, but the case in point: Keep the incarcerated comfortable in order to continue the revolving door. I would not encourage a NEET to become a prisoner, but if they do so: is it not logical to assume that they could adjust to such a lifestyle and in turn figure out that this satisfies their desires better (in many ways)?

Prison life is very simple and easy, and merging into the culture doesn't take very long. It takes a lot of energy and time for me to make a living and a place out here, and to the point that I don't have a lot of time to enjoy myself or do a lot that I'd prefer to do. In prison, I worked, educated, read, and also had copious amounts of time to exercise, play sports, watch shows, play vidya, play Minis games (battle tech, warhammer), table top RPG, and other classic card and board games. (I even had time to make minis out of erasers, tylenol, paper; there was lots of time for creativity as well as entertainment.) I would still say my worst day out here is better than my best day in there.

Knowing the motivation of people is an important trait and/or skill to have. I was pointed out that my true desire is to have freedom; not to be tied down to something. I lack care for what most people think. I think that freedom really is a fleeting concept though. Especially seeking out external freedom or some sort of social contract that adheres to your own comfortability in the names of "freedom". Then what is freedom? Sometimes for me, when I admit or shout surrender. Admitting the lack of power and that I truly have zero control. These are, what I've found, to be more freeing than release from an institution or anything sort of external expression of "liberty".